At Least Three Scoldings in a Lifetime
It seems to me that an invisible change is taking place among today’s children when I take a close look at current social conditions, under which an increasing number of elementary school pupils suddenly snap and lose all self-control and the age at which young people become involved in antisocial and criminal behavior continues to fall.
It is said that the seeds of delinquent and violent behavior can be traced to how one was disciplined in childhood. Parents must teach their children good manners and self-discipline?the fundamentals of proper human behavior?an important part of their role.
In a recent public opinion poll concerning fatherhood, on the one hand 77 percent pf respondents said they were unable to discipline their children, and on the other, as many as 74 percent said that the ideal father scolded the children when necessary.
It is said that the innate essence of the parent-child relationship is love, and therefore it is difficult to strictly discipline one’s children. These relationships can be badly damaged by conflicting love and hate, however, so that even if parents try to strictly and correctly discipline their children, it is possible they will become angry and even feel hatred for their own children, depending on the emotions that are aroused.
Masahiro Yasuoka (1898?1983), a great scholar of Oriental thought, said about child-rearing, “By nature, this is the duty of the mother and father, but since the parent-child relationship can be difficult and stressful in olden times some parents would put a teacher they respected or a friend of outstanding character in charge of raising their children and teaching them proper human behavior.”
And the educator Nobuzo Mori (1896?1992), commenting on the role of fathers, said, “Because fathers can become distant from their children, they need to give serious thought to the need for discipline. It would be ideal if they never had to scold them at all, but when there is a good reason for scolding they should be prepared to do so at least three times in their lifetime.”

Valuing a Child’s Character
In the Analects of Confucius, this teaching appears: “Once the fundamentals are established, the proper way is clear.” This means that the precious Way is opened by building on the right foundation.
Because we are caused to live by the Buddha, this means that parents and children alike are born into this world as children of the Tathagata.
And since we become a parent on the day our child is born, we could say that the parent is “born” on the same day. When we realize this, we can build a parent-child relationship in which we show respect each other and learn from each other as children of the Tathagata. We are filled with the wish to become parents who have a positive influence on our children and can serve as good role models for them.
Shakyamuni preached that “Children are the foundation of humanity.” Children are the hope of the future. Let us deeply reflect upon Shakyamuni’s words and grow spiritually so that parents and children are equally awakened to the preciousness of life and manage themselves of our cherished families well.